Tuesday, November 24, 2009

fearless



a tres rare, miniature, golden, wire haired coyote - Piper Belle (answers also to Sunny Bunny)

much loved sister to Miss Winnie Dixon and the brown velvet Bess

I have been sneezing ... a million, zillion sneezes every day for last few days. This morning my bath is filled with mint, rosemary & eucalyptus bubbles. I will take big doses of Vitamin C and I'll eat as many sweet clementines as is sensible (between 8-10 per day). I think Mama's fighting a wee cold.

I feel so safe, secure and loved beyond my wildest dreams.
Not very long ago I felt afraid of every thing ... and suddenly I'm not afraid of anything.

Merci, merci ... thank you

For it was not into my ear
you whispered,

but into my heart.
It was not my lips you kissed,
but my soul

Judy Garland

Monday, November 23, 2009

3 stages of love


blue eyes, wild red hair, a favourite scarf and a big thick fleece sweater - ahhh

My favourite everyday work attire. Les Uniform. This is old house gets quite chilly, often it's colder inside than it is outside and Mama is always tres cheap with the furnace oil and I turn the heat on only in the direst of circumstances and there is something I find very comforting about a giant faux turtle neck. This black and white Nordic number is my fav and lovingly hunted for and found at our local and famous second hand clothing spot Francois.

This week I'm drawing sweet baby animals, tiny historic lockets and a new jewellery project for this company - Brighton. Hooray !! A company that I worked for for 4 years in the beginning of my Hey ! I own my own design business business - It was, by a landslide, the most amazing 4 years of freelancing this designer gal could ask for. I think he (the boss man) always thought I'd want to move to LA and work with his team there - and he, being born and brought up in LaLa Land, and having never experienced life in a tiny Nova Scotia village - could not understand why on earth this designer gal would want to stay here - in this 2 bit place where, there appears to the unenlightened, to be nothing - ahhh but we know that's not rue and it's our secret. I am thrilled to pieces to be working again with him, with Brighton. The most generous and open boss man, wide open creative license is encouraged and the products that they make are both very beautiful and top, top craftsmanship. I know I went to China with that big gang and toured all of their amazing factories - not to mention 3 or 4 days in and around beautiful Hong Kong with way too many stars for this country girl to count. Merci Jerry !

I watched Babettes Feast last night for the very first time - I know, I know How is it possible that I hadn't watched it ever before ? And yes it was lovely - lovely. I especially enjoyed the wonderfully muted and dull colours everywhere. The cowboy made me a small stack of movies to watch from his petite movie collection. Fargo, The Thin Red Line and Working Girl are three others that I've brought home with me (the cowboy thinks that my voice is much like Melanie Griffiths, and he thinks that's a good thing, I can't decide if I'm flattered or maybe eek !). And by my bedside is the book Zen and the Art of Motorcylce Maintenance a book the cowboy read twice this past summer and now I'm going to read it. Please see below Self Revelation.

When I went to NSCAD for all those many years trying to decide between a BFA or a BDComm I eventually threw in the Wow ! there are just way too many great courses I want to take towel and ending up graduating with both degrees. To accomplish this I did have to take my fair share of academic courses which I mostly loaded up with a steady stream of amazing & wonderful art history classes. However I did venture out to Dalhousie one summer to take one of those 6 week, meet everyday, full credit course done in blink - Psychology 101. Something that has always stuck with me from that text and course are the 3 Stages of Love - now I've been googling around lately and those darn stages seem to have evolved somewhat since my lazy summer afternoons in a big auditorium at Dal. When I first learned about les Stages they were described as follows.

No. 1 Attraction - based almost entirely on a physical sense of the person, their physical features, maybe the way they dress, the way they carry themselves, their voice, the make and model of the pick up truck they're driving. How 'bout the tallest silver moustache ? or boyish good looks? a well loved canine sidekick ? A huge big grin? eyes that twinkle ? Oh ! Oh ! - stop me quick - I am about to go on and on and on....

No.2 Self Revelation - ahhhhh - the blissful chitter chatter, the endlessly talking and revealing of more and more and more about each other - to each other. The past, the present and the dreams of the future. Finding out so many obscure and wonderful details of a life, of their life. Like the description of the one and only sandwich (the making of and les ingredients) that my new true love took to work every single day for 32 years. Or the model airplane that he built when he was 5 out of balsa wood and won a prize for, or the white navy dress uniform he wore to a prom with his lobster red and sunburned face from a day of fishing with his Dad. Oh, I ache wishing that I knew him then. Knew that boy, that young man- but if I knew him then - would I, could I ... know him now? Scratch that wish and tell me more please ... and more and more.

No. 3 Interdependence - I wonder can I spend an hour not in his presence ? and how much will I miss him. Someone reminds me that I had another life, just weeks ago without him in it. Shut Up !! I say That cannot be true ... for now I have absolutely no recollection of any such life. My life, this life, began that Friday afternoon in the park with Winnie, Piper Belle, the cowboy and his brown hound Bess.

or maybe it really all began this fateful afternoon.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

a little faith


the cowboy and the beautiful brown hound Bess

And why did I not take a billion, zillion photos of the cowboy before he left ? Oh, how I wish I had. Missy D and Piper Belle sure are missing their brown velvet sister - sweet Bess.

Weekend goodness

Tramp bubbles • a hot & steaming facecloth • 19 archived messages of this big love (to listen to over & over again as is required) • perfect coffee • unseasonable warm temperatures = open windows in this old brick house • fresh fall air everywhere • a long chat yesterday with the much adored nephew Michael (& mac genuis) - sweet • and two live chats with my handsome cowboy
a morning visit to the cowboy's house - he gave me the key to his heart (and house) around day 5 of this big love and yesterday and I went there so that I could breath in the scent of him. I watered his plants, I clutched the pillows from his bed tight to me, I inhaled as slowly and deeply as is possible and I felt weak and incredibly strong all at that same time. I stood in the upstairs bathroom window and gazed out toward the golden hay fields and upon that beautiful boathouse. I'll go again today, this time the girls will come too, and we'll all race and zoom in the fields behind his house, we'll sit in his kitchen and I'll have a cup of tea and we'll keep counting the days until his return - until their return • I'll have my weekly catch up chat with my one and only sister Sandra and I'll have another tres productive day of Creative Empire building here at the TTD* all the while listening, over and over, to the 33 songs from Cowboy's road trip CD's No. 1 & 2 while I conjure up the play lists for Volumes 3 & 4, 5, 6, and 7 ........

An' when your secret heart
Cannot speak so easily
Come here darlin' from a whisper start
Have a little faith in me

John Hiatt - Track 10 Cowboy CD No. 1

TTD* teak topped desk

Saturday, November 21, 2009

trust



red berries in golden early morning sun

I will give you everything
That you've ever wanted
With this promise
I will bring you home again

Skydiggers
- Track 5 Cowboy CD No. 2

I feel so grateful I feel like my heart will surely burst.

I'm feeling completely overwhelmed yet again - but oh my, this feeling is so different - after weeks, months, years of feeling so incredibly overwhelmed by Sadness, Ache, Grief and Loneliness - of feeling so Broken and irrevocably Damaged - How did I land here in this place ? Questions I'm trying so hard to not ask myself - Where did all of this come from ? Do I deserve so much goodness ? Am I worthy of this? Don't answer - I know that all of you aren't asking questions, just like MLou who's smiling and nodding at me from far, far away in Thailand and saying with a big, wide smirk Uh Huh ! See ... told ya so.

I believed (for much of this blogs life) that my good life was over but that best girl kept holding me up, kept standing there with me, making sure that I wouldn't sink completely in the thick, dark muck I believed to be all around me. She kept trying to show me who I really was and she never gave up. She showed me big, huge love when I truly believed it was gone from my life forever. I am crying as I write this. I have needed to cry. Some tears are essential and cleansing. My life has been turned completely upside down, inside out and sideways and only in the most amazing way(s). If I stop to think about it, about this, for too long I feel like I might just dissolve into a pile of dust.

Don't be afraid, have courage ... trust in love. Trust in love

Thank you Madam Universe ... thank you

I'm weak in the knees for you,
but I'll stand if you want me to.

Serena Ryder - Track 6 Cowboy CD No. 2

Friday, November 20, 2009

thrilling


a poster I did this week for our local shelter's big annual fundraising telethon

The shelter where almost all my kids were adopted from - Jake in '95, Missy D in 2000, Gus & Oliver as sweet baby kittens in 2006 and our newest addition Miss Piper Belle.

blessed, blest, blissful, blithe, can't complain, captivated, cheerful, chipper, chirpy, content, contented, convivial, delighted, ecstatic, elated, exultant, flying high, gay, glad, gleeful, gratified, intoxicated, jolly, joyful, joyous, jubilant, laughing, light, lively, looking good, merry, mirthful, on cloud none, overjoyed, peaceful, peppy, perky, playful, pleasant, pleased, sparkling, sunny, thrilled, tickled, tickled pink, up, upbeat, walking on air ...

I wake now, each early morning, thrilled. I am so wonderfully happy I can hardly stand it. In my social travels around this little village - to the grocery store, to the fantastic new hairdresser or to the dentist for a filling - I've been noticing lately everyone seems to be responding to me in a new and bigger way. I've always considered myself to be a fairly well liked, friendly, dare I even say an out going gal about town but lately it's as if I've been tattooed with happiness. It's written on my face, I'm glowing with a strange and beckoning aura. I'll admit I have to stop myself when asked How are you Susan ? or So ... what's new with you ? from doing cartwheels and jumping up and down and singing. Spinning & twirling and smiling like my best girl Missy D. Rejoicing.
But ... no calisthenics appear needed - it's like people can see through to my big, beautiful secret when they look at me, when they speak to me. They beam and smile and laugh at me -
everyone seems to sense my thrilling.

I've got it bad.

I start the day, each early morning (5:15 am) with my big cream coloured favourite Starbuck's mug filled with perfectly brewed coffee (triple milk and half a sugar if it were a Timmie's order) in my bed tucked in with my cordless phone where I listen to the (too many to count) archived messages from my cowboy. It seems I add one new sweet message daily to the growing pile of recorded love and he and I, thankfully, have at least one long live chat daily.

Yesterday that girl phoned me from Thailand - Hooray ! she who I love with all my heart. It's the first time she and I have talked since all this goodness began. She's been keeping up with my crazy new life by reading les blog. I said to her You are going to love him ! and she replied instantly I already do.

I'm super, super busy here at the TTD - M. Universe is testing me, I know it. She is saying to herself I wonder, just how much goodness can that designer gal stand ?

Bring it on ! I reply.
Merci, Merci, Merci !!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

pas de coup (for now)


cover collage illustration for HOW magazine avec dummied in (by me) cover lines

Disappointments are to the soul
what the thunder storm is to the air

Friedrich von Schiller

Do you remember this big good announcement awhile back - not only had I been chosen to be featured in an article on hand lettering in this big design magazine but ... Hello ! I was asked to illustrate the cover of the big (most important) double sized, design annual, issue. An assignment that thrilled me right off of my desk chair.

Bad news has arrived. They've changed their minds, they are not using my cover illustration although they are paying me (shut up ! I get paid for this ??) in full and have assured me that they believe my illustration to be beautiful but the focus of that issue has changed and my whack-a-doo collage (I know it is a bit kooky and wild - but my art direction was to please make it tres rich and full O' texture) is no longer appropriate. Here's the thing ... I love my cover. I feel more than happy with how it turned out - I actually think it's the strongest and best piece I've done to date. Yes, it would have been fantastic exposure for my Creative Empire to have this cover - a creative coup no question. I was fantasizing of collage typography assignments winging their way to the TTD from all corners of this world. Hey this girl can dream can't she - and BIG. But ... que sera, sera. How much goodness can one designer gal stand ??

I'm thinkin' ... I'm just gonna Rock On ! here at the Teak Topped Desk.

You didn't think I'd go a day without mentioning Mr. Has Changed my Life Forever did you ? Sigh. He makes me feel so completely & wonderfully loved I cannot really believe it. I'm living life in a Love's Savage Fury novel - lucky me. Counting the days until his return.

ps - petite delay with M&S - the new design company, although I did speak at great length last evening with my partner in crime - the much loved nephew and computer (especially mac) savant Mike. We're working on our logo, identity and setting up a gmail account so that any query's you may have re- blogs, photos, banners, illustration etc ... can be directed there and we can reply tout suite with a time frame and a price. And please remember all monies go toward building this young man's brilliant future. Wink.

questions ??? la M&S email
mandscompany@gmail.com

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I got you




I got you to hold my hand
I got you to understand
I got you to walk with me
I got you to talk with me
I got you to kiss goodnight
I got you to hold me tight
I got you, I won't let go
I got you to love me so


Sonny & Cher I Got You Babe

from the cowboy's soundtrack for this big love

I know, I know .... I'm crazy, crazed. What am I doing posting photos of my freckled face tangled up with that beautiful tall moustache ? All I can say, in my defense is ... Hey ! I'm a visual person. I love photography, as you all know, and these photos ... today. Well, oh my ... they say it all don't they ?

I spoke with him last night, twice. I lay curled up and burrowed deep in the nest of down and flannel with the cordless phone sleeping soundly beside me because I knew that he'd call. He called from a gas station at the side of the road, from the lands of rugged rocky coasts, endless Boreal forest and lakes like oceans wide and the brown velvet hound is missing her sisters.

Oh and Hey ! Stay tuned tomorrow for the introduction of M&S - need help with your blog ? Larger photos ? a new banner perhaps ? you've just switched from a PC to a Mac and the transition is getting on your last frayed nerve ? need a spot illustration ? a logo ? some hand drawn type maybe ? Michael, my best loved nephew and computer/designer savant, and I are starting a little side business - Realize the blog you've always dreamed of and help a struggling student pay for university at the same time. Super affordable and amazing results - guaranteed !